If we only have one turn

Link it to the world
Link it to yourself
Stretch it like a birth squeeze
The love for what you hide
The bitterness inside
Is growing like the new born
When you've seen, seen
Too much, too young, young
Soulless is everywhere

Hopeless time to roam
The distance to your home
Fades away to nowhere
How much are you worth
You can't come down to earth
You're swelling up, you're unstoppable

'cause you've seen, seen
Too much, too young, young
Soulless is everywhere

Destroy the spineless
Show me it's real
Wasting our last chance
To come away
Just break the silence
'cause I'm drifting away
Away from you

Link it to the world
Link it to yourself
Stretch it like it's a birth squeeze
And the love for what you hide
And the bitterness inside
Is growing like the new born

When you've seen, seen
Too much, too young, young
Soulless is everywhere

Destroy the spineless
Show me it's real
Wasting their last chance
To come away
Just break the silence
'cause I'm drifting away
Away from you

I am now officially injured.

A visit to my GP this morning resulted in the expected advice - rest and physiotherapy. Worse than that though I’ve been told that I’m no longer allowed to run, cycle or even garden until I’m pain free. The diagnosis?

“some sort of soft tissue damage”

Apparently there’s no telling which soft tissue unless I got for MRI scanning and the NHS position is very much that I brought this on myself (being a runner) and as a result cannot expect MRI scanning to pinpoint the exact issue (making me able to act appropriately to rehabilitate it). So now I wait. I wait for the healing, I wait for the physic appointment, I wait to run, I wait to cycle, I wait impatiently to regain what keeps me sane.

I’m bored already. So bored in fact that I am perusing certain sites to fill my time. Just one small problem, I am a nickname short of a registration. My usual one bores even me, I need something new.

I am of course referring to those who seem to think thats its ok for their hounds to remove a piece of arm from a runner and blame it on the fact that

"we had to put his pal to sleep last night and I think he's confused"

Yeah, my arm's confused, it seems to think there's a hole in it. Oh hang on....there is!!

More bad words escaped my lips than you could ever possibly imagine on my one mile walk home, the with blood seeping from my wound through a make shift kitchen towel dressing and running down my arm.

...when your mobile dies at the least opportune moment?!

“I love you very deeply you know“, he said
“I love you very much too“, she said, guarded as ever, wishing she could expel all the love in chest
“I care for you so much that I hurt sometimes”, he said
“I wish that I could be with you, take care of you, hold you, I think I adore you”
“It never lessens, just gets more intense, totally immersed in you”
“I need you”
“Can't imagine life without you”, he said

A year on he is without me and I am so painfully without him. He is happy yet I grieve, craving the comfort of his voice. He convinced himself that he loved me, he had to, I see that now. But I miss his friendship and cry for the loss of something so deeply respected. Something held so close to my world. Something that is gone. I want to tell him but he does not want to hear. If I still had his number I’m not sure I would resist, though it would not help.

Why can’t I shake this off?

I worked. I was mostly industrious, occasionally lazy. I communicated, in a somewhat disconnected way.

I felt detached.

I drank coffee, I chatted with the girls, even Whinging Bint. I openly laughed at The Hypochondriac’s latest suggested illness - adult HDD. I assisted The Stoodent in her quest to find alternative employment and despaired of the education - or lack thereof - that was blatantly apparent in this 18 year old’s life. Her mentor (laughable term for the social retard) should be hung for crimes against education and yoof.

I played a little golf, against my better judgement and very badly. I listened to music, I chatted and laughed freely with Eco Warrior (the golf playing culprit). I brought him home, he cooked while we chatted more. He has lost weight, I have gained.

We played, we teased, we explored. I gasped, panted, sweated, breathed deeply, screamed and whimpered. The best I have had in such a long time and at one point more than I could physically bear. We fit. We work. We are too close. I see it in his eyes, his kisses, his touch.

And afterwards, after our passion, after our fulfilment, after our caresses and our kisses, after our chat….I cried the tears of a love lost.

Quiet, heartfelt tears that continue to grieve for one who never felt the same. I know that now. I was deluded to think otherwise. Why would he, for me? Another day that has come at me sideways. I continue to wish he could be erased from mind, body and soul but I fear he is too deeply embedded. I felt his kisses just last night. His beautiful kisses that posessed me so wholly.

And Eco Warrior held me gently in his arms, understanding the pain.

I wished so hard that he could be Ben.