I remain unsure who the fool is in this now long running saga. Is it me for continuing to offer the ever withering olive branch or is it him for believing that he has true friendship elsewhere?

The squaw apparently texts and mails him with an interest in his wellbeing, just as she confided in him despite a large collection of associates being at hand. She apparently takes care in his state of mind and is now suddenly a friend…all this despite having little or nothing to do with him – in fact being a ‘good friend’ of his woman (the reason I allowed him into my private world to begin with) – for a substantial amount of time. She made a point of ‘staying out of it’ whilst sympathising with the fucked up, duplicitous woman he was duped by. She didn’t maintain any sort of meaningful contact with him but was openly and overtly ‘girly’ with her.

And yet he wrapped himself around her, believed the hype, fell for the damp eyes and sob stories of her flirtations with married men and ex husbands (whereas some of us merely write about it and deal quietly). He fails to see the clear manipulation - the fact that she is suddenly a friend to him just as it suits her needs....when she knows it will hurt her chosen enemy. Will this be so in time to come? When she has moved on and discovered her newest best friend. Surely if she can discard a committed friend of 13 years (admittedly with some relief on my part), she will have no second thoughts in betraying someone who is merely 'convenient'?

Lets not forget, I was her 'best friend' for some 13 years. I watched her with my trainee phsychologist's mind, I learned her neuroses, read her mannerisms...saw her charm at work and watched with intense guilt as she broke a marriage with a significant and espoused lack of remorse (in front of the wife and children of her lover no less!!). I remained her friend throughout, despite my massive misgivings...despite my conscience....until she attacked me, my friendship and my friendships.

And now he reads yet another heartfelt (foolish) offer of peace and chooses his preferred option…silence, which I take as rejection of compassion.

He let me down in the worst way possible. He apologised, he asked for time, I gave him 7 weeks. He assured me of his grief in losing a friendship and his assurance that he would contact me.

So who is the fool here? And why do I weep so for the loss of someone who would abuse my sincere loyalty so?

Do my emotions...my feelings...warrant such scant regard? Am I really so insignificant in my worth to so many that I laid such trust in?

I am tired. Emotionally and mentally. I feel permanently nauseous, I do not sleep. No more games, no more deceit. I removed myself from harm and yet it follows me and will not release me. I only ask for the respect of honesty.

This is not an attempt at martyrdom, merely the excessive venting of an overloaded spleen.