Recent posts

Getting it From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (9 days old)

An extract from a conversation with Big Bro this evening "I really can't believe how far we've come, even in the last six months. The night we visited that couple was the turning point - that's… more
In, out From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (13 days old)

Warmth breath on cool skin I tried to be cold I try. I fail. Warm breath on cool skin Soothes Warms Calms I love and am loved This feels real This feels unreal This feels comp… more
Lust and lace From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (21 days old)

This weekend he shall be mine. I will hold him close, feel his skin on mine, breathe deep his scent. I will feel his excitement. I will devour him. Loving every taste smell sensation. I w… more
Deep From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (28 days old)

To sleep, my love, to sleep Your precious head on pillows, sweet And know that through the night My arms will wrap around you tight For I wonder at each breath you breathe And I cradle every drea… more
Moving on From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (32 days old)

I have such deep regrets, such guilt, at times and this weekend...and last.... have seen them come to the fore. I worry that it upsets him, that it is damaging, but I know that I can trust him with… more
A weekend From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (38 days old)

A busy day Traffic A nice dinner A kiss A cuddle A warm arm A lie in Warmth Care Love Bacon rolls Big moon boots A big hill A nice pint And another Chinese A daughter An e… more
A new challenge From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (47 days old)

I have a date. One that will push me, hurt me, make me smile and weep in equal measure and one that will make me consider my own sanity on a regular basis. I will love it. I will hate it. I will c… more
He. I. From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (58 days old)

He holds me I give He kisses me I relax He envelops me I breathe He touches me I melt He is mine I, his He wasn't sought I found. … more
Thats it then From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (66 days old)

1 very long climb 4 very Crinkly Crags 1 quick windswept stop for lunch A couple of fun miniature scrambles 1 very blue sky Many pictures Even more moments of awe 1 knee trashing descent. 2,… more
Day is done From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (78 days old)

And I must sleep. I do so quietly tonight but am consumed... Enveloped Surrounded Luxuriated Enthralled Fulfilled Never suffocated, never forced, never drowned. Complete comfort. He i… more
Goddam right From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (80 days old)

It’s a beautiful day (and apologies for the truly dreadful video, just don't look!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bjRAi1XEDw&feature=PlayList&p=9084C9ED4AA67BF9&playnext=1&play… more
Backward thinking, forward planning From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (81 days old)

I am in melancholic mood today. Too much time to think whilst driving to the hideous blue and yellow shop of plastic furniture. In my defence, I am replacing the old knackered bed that Eco Warrior a… more
From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (89 days old)

A knock to my confidence. It is fragile enough. Complicated fragility. Not sure what to think although perversely I really do know. This is it. The truth of it. His love of me. And I know that… more
It makes you wonder From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (89 days old)

What sort of twisted and unfulfilled person would...firstly belittle a 13 year friendship...then walk away from it at the behest of people who have known them for no more than 2 years (and whose sole … more
He will From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (92 days old)

He will hold me He will kiss me He will embrace me He will hold tight He will kiss my neck, just the way I like it He will caress me, as only he can He will lean close He will reveal his w… more
Advice please From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (93 days old)

Right. Can someone please tell me how the hell I remove a person from my reader list? As previously seen, he is refusing to remove himself from this blog although he removed himself swiftly enough … more
Caught out there From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (97 days old)

I have the oddest feeling this weekend; it is one that I have been feeling increasingly often lately and one that has been a long time lost. After months of denying the direction events were taking m… more
Calling From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (101 days old)

Mlle Auber calls to me but my exhaustion....its unbearable. My time restraints (instead of the preferred restraints) are restrictive in all the wrong ways and my body is vile in its current state. I… more
An unstoppable force From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (102 days old)

I can feel the fog descending, I know its devious creeping coldness all too well. I step away from the edge….away from the precipice…from the deep crevasse beyond. I feel its grip encroaching from e… more
Another track From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (107 days old)

You took me for granted You took me for granted But I landed back on my feet Cos you don't deserve me, You don't have the time that I need That I want, I deserve But I got back my nerve Did w… more
Verdi Cries From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (108 days old)

Absolutely, unreservedly and without any doubt my all time favourite Natalie Merchant song. Thanks to B for sending me on this evening's trip. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3dmf7_natalie-mercha… more
I stand content From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (109 days old)

Spider’s hanging in his web Waiting for the dawn As if to show my path The streetlight flickers on And while inside the candle flame burns bright I stand content warmed by the summer night E… more
Carefully happy (and Bulletproof) From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (117 days old)

A weekend away. Holding, caressing, kissing, loving. Honesty, certainty, commitment, meaning Assurances given. He does not want to be the rebound. He isn't. But please, oh please, with everthi… more
Foolishness From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (128 days old)

I remain unsure who the fool is in this now long running saga. Is it me for continuing to offer the ever withering olive branch or is it him for believing that he has true friendship elsewhere? Th… more
Question From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (130 days old)

From one who is, I fear, terminally useless in these matters. Is 'want' and 'need' compatible with 'love'? I have heard much of all three recently. I know how I feel. In all honesty I know how… more
T in the Park From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (131 days old)

Has been mostly disappointing (at best) but has made recompense for its abject failings as a music festival with..... Elbow. A bunch of lads who clearly love what they do and therefore do it incred… more
Warmth From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (134 days old)

Holding Kissing Caressing Blankets drawn “You’re cold”, says he, “you have Goosebumps” Assurances of warmth made Blankets are released As am I. … more
Paper bag required From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (138 days old)

The 'L' word has been brought into my life once again. Mild panic has set in. I hyperventilate quietly. I wish my friend, with his crimson words of wisdom, were here to share this.… more
Placebo.2 From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (141 days old)

He has made his feelings clear. Running is one thing, clear disregard another. I gave care, compassion and understanding. It has been repaid by 'running away'. How often I have read - not … more
This life From vetusmatris in If we only have one turn (141 days old)

I live a schizophrenic life it seems. I am in turns very happy and desperately sad, at peace but intensely angry. I try to overcome the negatives but feel at times drowned in their murky depths, una… more